A Unique Life Experience
Lorrin Kain was born in Newport Beach, California, March 15, 1994. Lorrin had an adverse reaction to her, one and only, DPT vaccination given at six weeks of age. Lorrin had a, “Hot” lot. Thirty kids reported seizures or worse from the same lot that Lorrin received. There were 10 deaths surrounding her lot. The vaccine attacked her brain leaving her with severe brain damage. Lorrin had uncontrolled seizures from the vaccination her entire life. By the time Lorrin was three months old four different Neurologists told me to go home and prepare for the worst. One doctor told me, “At least she will be a pretty retard.”
We tried numerous different anti-seizure medications without success. Lorrin had been on as many as 6 different anti-seizure medications at one time. She was also treated with steroid shots twice a day. I gave the injections into her tiny legs at two years of age. She had IVIG treatments, and was on the Keto-genetic diet. The doctors never had promise for Lorrin’s future. One doctor told me that they would never find a cure for her because they will never admit that she was damaged by the vaccination. Lorrin’s entire brain was affected. The only tool Neurologists had to help her was prescription medications.
The medical community considered Lorrin to be, “A Bad Egg!”. They suggested that I get on with my life. Feeling abandoned by modern medicine, I turned to alternative treatments and spiritual guidance. Over the years I have taken Lorrin to prayer groups and sweat lodges, healers and energy workers. Lorrin was seen by the best homeopathic and Osteopaths available. I gave her drops and tinctures. I cooked her organic foods from scratch. You name it we tried it! She continued to have horrible episodes of uncontrolled seizures that would land us in the hospital for days.
Lorrin spent her third birthday at Cedars Sinai with a double pneumonia, on life support with a chest tube. This began her battle with chronic lung disease. We lived in the intensive care unit for 156 days in 1998 alone. Lorrin was put on life support too many times to count and put into a coma twice to control her horrible seizure disorder. At the age of three we seemed to find some balance by putting Lorrin on four different anti-seizure medications, one that was not legal in the US. When the brain does not work, the rest of the body is dramatically affected. It was during this time, I realized as a parent that Lorrin did not come this lifetime to live in a healthy body. After spending the last three years practicing alternative treatments we had landed in the ICU from the age 3 to 5 years old. I found it ironic to watch modern medicine play such a huge role in her life. I felt the need to observe what what was happening to both our lives and started to write a journal. I really had no idea what else to do. Many times I prayed that she would die. I was loosing my life as I knew it, and my marriage was failing. I sat by Lorrin’s side, watching her go through unbearable medical procedures. I begged and pleaded to God for a healing.
Over the next two years, I came to the understanding that the only way I could really be a strength to Lorrin, was to change my emotions from sadness to acceptance. I had to let go and allow Lorrin to do the work that she came here to complete. I did my best to embrace our surroundings. I have watched Lorrin almost die countless times. I was learning the only way I was going to be help to her was to let go. I could not feel sorry for her I had to be strong. My efforts were put towards making her as comfortable as I could. I tried to focus on her greater purpose. It is hard to sit with someone's pain, especially your child. But when you can do it, it is the most powerful gift you can give. Through eleven surgeries, I never left her side. The doctors did not expect her to live. They told me over and over that if I did not care for her so well, she would not still be alive. I have always made the same promise to her. I told her that I would care for her if she lived, and I would be ok if she left her broken body. I know our souls will always be one. I know we have spent many lifetimes together.
I think it is important to mention that Lorrin’s father and I did not agree on Lorrin’s medical treatment. He resented me for the alternative treatments I sought. In the hospital he always wanted to take all measures to keep her alive. If it were my choice alone, Lorrin would not have been put on life support the very first time at three years of age. I never wanted to sustain a life that I considered to be full of drugs, suffering, and uncontrolled seizures. I struggled with doing extreme medical measures to keep her alive because I was putting all the drugs into her system and watching her scream for hours on end while he worked full time. No parent is ever prepared for or should have to make these type of decisions. We separated in 1998. He and I struggled with this until he passed away in 2003. Her father died from alcohol and prescription drug abuse. He lost his job a year before his death. When he died his body was not found for two weeks.
My marriage was over, my finances were challenged, and my daughter was suffering from devastating physical conditions. I was broken. As time passed,’ I also realized I would no longer have an opportunity to be a parent of a healthy child. My world as I knew it was crushed. I never imagined my life to be this way.
Somehow, I have always felt this amazing power, love and grace from Lorrin. She has taught me more in our fifteen years together than what I could learn in lifetimes. Just being in the same room she changed people’s lives. I saw her power as endless. She has never spoken a word. She never complained.
Lorrin’s Physical Therapist was been pivotal to keeping Lorrin healthy and growing at a normal rate. He told me years ago that, “Being a parent of a special needs child is like running a marathon, except you never finish the race.”
Lorrin liked to be referred to as someone who was living a, “unique life experience.” She was totally comfortable with who she was. Lorrin communicated with her expressions and by blinking her eyes.
Lorrin longed for the things in life that all girls do . She loved: music, painting, Junior Blind of America Camp; horseback riding; and riding her bicycle. She loved to shop and eat as much chocolate as possible.
I consider Lorrin’s middle school experience to be the best part of her life. Lorrin did not miss one day of school her sixth grade year due to illness. She received a Canine Companion from Canine Companions for Independence when she was 13. She was in a Miss Pre-teen Pasadena Pageant for young teens with 250 mainstream girls. With the help and love of her nurse Debbie, who went to school with her every day Lorrin became very popular in her seventh grade year. Lorrin met her best friend Sarah; She had many mainstream friends; they would wait for her to get to school and greet her bus when she arrived. Taylor, Kelsey, Jennifer, Lauren and others visited her class every day. After meeting Lorrin three of them applied and worked as teacher’s aids in her severely disabled classroom. Lorrin was also in a regular ASB class; she was a Girl Scout and the Vice President of her Troop. In her report card it had been noted that she was competitive and sometimes got into trouble for making fun of her teacher.
You can see an interview of Lorrin and her peers on You-tube from a television segment called, “Mom on the Streets.” The piece interviews her best friends answering questions about why they like being friends. Lorrin was also in an article called, “What does a Miracle look like to you? “ in the August issue of, “Your Health Connection”, magazine. The local Thousand Oaks, Acorn paper also wrote an article on Lorrin’s achievements. Lorrin is written about in a book called, “The Children of Now”, written by Meg Blackburn Losey. A best seller on Amazon.
Lorrin was like the Grand Canyon, some go to the edge and see a big hole, and others witness one of God’s wonders.
In January 2009, Lorrin was admitted to the ICU, for uncontrolled seizures. It was becoming apparent during 2008, that Lorrin’s stamina was declining. Her nurse Debbie told me one day, “Lorrin just doesn't smile anymore.” Those words ripped into my heart. It was always our agreement to live life to the fullest. It was becoming apparent to everyone near her that she was changing. Lorrin was struggling. During our stay in ICU, I asked Lorrin as I have many times, “Are you ready to go?” For the first time she blinked a big blink, YES! I had been watching Lorrin slow down over the past year. Looking back I think the signs were there. But she had fought for so hard for so long. She had over come all of the predictions that the doctors had given her. She was a miracle.
The, “Final stretch”, as Lorrin called it was another part of our journey that I was not prepared for. As with her life I had no rules. I knew that I wanted her transition to be done with grace and dignity. How does any parent get on board when their medically fragile child tells them they are ready to leave their body and stop the fight? We fought so hard for so long; her fight was my fight; her desire was my desire; her light was my light. Lorrin exuded love and acceptance towards everyone she met. She was a beautiful young lady.
I did the only thing that I could do at the time and decided to have a Quinceanera party to honor her fifteenth Birthday. This is a Mexican/Peruvian tradition. A celebration from a girl to a woman. For the next three months we concentrated on the party. The party included a huge dress. We picked out the dress and hung it in the middle of her room. Her friend and caregiver, Karissa and Lorrin’s friend Jason made a huge, “15”, and hung it above her bed. We focused on the party and not the dramatic changes that started happening to her body. We invited 100 of Lorrin’s closet friends and had a wonderful time. Lorrin wanted to dye her hair black. And as usual Lorrin got what Lorrin wanted.
Lorrin also started requiring oxygen 24 hours a day. The doctors suggested that I put her on a vent to help her breath at night. I buckled in his office and started crying realizing that every step I made from here on was to keep her alive or to allow her to leave. This time in our life became very confusing. During one lab event trying to figure out her blood sugar levels Lorrin was poked with a needle 21 times. My heart was breaking as I had to make huge decisions going against what modern medicine does, “Keep kids alive at all costs.” I have relied on both alternative and modern medical techniques. Now I wanted to complete the end of stages with Lorrin with dignity and grace. Not an easy thing to do with your child; I felt alone and afraid; I was becoming the monster mom that was going to let her child die and not keep doing everything in my power to keep her body going. I put Lorrin’s medical status a, “Do Not Resuscitate (DNR)”. Just doing the DNR, was an enormous amount of paperwork. The Home Health company did not even have stickers that were for the pediatric department. This was a very isolating and painful time. I longed for her father to help me with these decisions that were impossible to make.
On one occasion Lorrin was being fed a can of food into her g-tube. She hit the can so hard it spilt all over her. It went into her trach and could have drowned her. Her nurse was shaken and afraid. We all expected her to get a horrible pneumonia. I imagined so many different crazy thoughts. I wondered how I would treat her if she did get a pneumonia? Would I treat her? For Lorrin to move her hand as she did was a huge feat for her. So many crazy thoughts entered my head this last year of her life.
Being intuitive herself Lorrin always enjoyed the company of intuitive people. In the middle of 2009 I started working with a channeler Ed Rote. I hired him to communicate with Lorrin. Ed channeled 170 pages of messages from Lorrin. Her messages during her entire life were always consistent, one of love and a great sense of peace and being one with God.
Lorrin Danielle Kain died December 22, 2009. She was home with me and my loving Aunt Linda. Up until the very last breath Lorrin was brave and showed a sense of humor and courage. Her last days of life were surrounded by her best friends and those who loved her.
I have documented our souls journey in a 300 page book called, “Empowered by a Unique Life Experience”, The Lorrin Kain story. Our story is filled with raw and painful journals written in a time of complete loss. These are times that I thought I would not live through. I documented these events as I lived through them, the doctor’s diagnosis, and the lawsuit with the government, how I survived.
I am proud to also share the many and wonderful things that I was lucky enough to witness as Lorrin’s mother. I also document the many times Lorrin’s angelic presence has changed the lives of people she has come into contact with. Lorrin communicates to many by coming into their dreams. Throughout her life her gifts became stronger. Lorrin was a healer and an intuit.
Lorrin’s life was been full of fun and travel. Lorrin has swam with the dolphins in Key Largo four different times, traveled to Hawaii, New York, Oregon, Canada, Mexico, and Arizona. She loved to stay in hotels. We camped each summer at Big Sur. I miss in everything that I do. Never to be forgotten.
I am a survivor and an advocate for children with unique lives and their families. It has become my mission to share our story in hopes to empower other families who share similar experiences.
My hope is that by sharing our story we can educate, heal, and help other parents. It is our wish to encourage love, tolerance, acceptance and forgiveness. I am driven by my daughter and feel that I am here to help her souls purpose be completed. I want to spread her simple, but powerful message.
It is through the pain and experiencing the loss of everything I thought was the foundation of my life that I have grown to really understand what is important to me. Through all that I have experienced as Lorrin’s mother, it always comes down to the same simple message, “There is only LOVE.” Lorrin exuded it! I am ever so grateful for my daughter’s gift. Love heals our hearts and souls. This is what I know to be true.