I Love You

My husband and I were only 21 years old when my son Cayden was born. We already had one son and were eagerly anticipating the arrival of our second and as far as we knew, everything was going according to plan.  Our beautiful son was born and everything seemed fine until he was about 2 months old and our world had changed as we knew it.  The doctor informed us that our son had cerebral palsy.  It is Spastic CP, which affecst his muscles, fine motor skills, and speech.  The first thing that came to mind was worry.  It is scary enough to raise a child that has no special circumstances or medical needs, but you don't know what to expect on a day to day basis having a child with cerebral palsy.  We knew nothing about this condition and there are no manuals out there to help prepare or teach parents how to deal with this.  The doctor seemed so cold when he informed my husband and I with our child's diagnosis and basically compared my child to a dog stating that you can't teach an old dog new tricks and that our son was basically going to be mentally retarded and there is nothing we can do about it.

I refused to accept the doctors opinions. I Immediately following our son's diagnosis, I became addicted to finding out information about it.  I was searching the internet, going to the library, joining support groups, and anthing else I could do to try to understand it and learn about it.  I thought if I could just understand it then I could somehow fix or cure him.  I finally learned through all of this that acceptance is the only cure.  I will not lie and tell you acceptance has been easy.and that we never have any dark times in our family where we don't grieve, or get angry, or cry.  There is a lot of work that goes on in our day to day lives that we have to get through and some days are harder than others.  Their are days where I think will the day ever end one more diaper to change, one more doctor visit, another tantrum etc. I let people know that is ok to grieve and honor the dark feelings. However Real life is about the good times and the bad and we have learned that it is okay to have your bad days as long as you don't dwell in it. Yeah, It is ok to grieve but not stay in your dark thoughts. I'm a worrier I do have thoughts what is going to happen to Cayden when we are gone.  I some times think I hope we live longer than him because I dont know who would love him like our family.  

Sometimes we still want to have more acceptance from people or we feel left out because people don't understand our son or don't have the patience for dealing with it so we may not get invited places as much and that hurts but it does give us a stronger bond with our little family.

Our family has a very close bond where we  accept, understand, and love each other unconditionally.

Our two sons have a very close bond being able to run together.  My son Connor thought it would be a great idea to get his younger brother involved in running so they started doing kid's triathlons together over the last few years.  It has been a special way for them to bond and stay close to each other.

My son Cayden can't speak to me verbally but he speaks to me with his eyes and his soul.  I prefer to refer to special need children as extraordinary children because that is what they are!

He is 8 years old now and sometimes I look down at him when I tuck him in at night and wish that he could open his mouth and tell me "I love you" - just those three little words - but I do feel it from him.

Please enjoy this short video of Conner and Cayden-Team Long Brothers

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